All in my head

The thing is I always get too attached and the only way I stop, temporarily, is when I try too hard and I hurt myself. But, I will always let you in again just because I think this time it'll be different and that it will not end up the same. I think and I know and I hope that you would love me like how I love you. But, you don't and I can't help feeling like you should, because my heart wants it to be true that you and me, were fucking meant to be, maybe I just don't go out enough or I haven't met the person for me yet. The crazy thing is I think I've already met him and it's you. Why do I fucking think that my love for the rest of my goddamn life is someone who doesn't even think so? Maybe I'm just a lonely sad person, and that the idea of you appeals to me. But the only reason you tread me along, is because it appeals to you to have an admirer, and yet I still hold that string with both hands.

Room

This is a room.

A closed room, with open doors.

There is a roof above and we stand on floors. 

There is us inside of the room, us three and a broom.

We should sweep up this shit. 

But me and him we don't, we don't touch the broom within the closed room. 

We pretend we aren't there and we move away from each other and we stand across the room with the broom. 

We stood apart. We split.

She took the broom and she got off her chair, inside the room. 

And she swept and swept the shit and the dust, as if she had a duty to do so, as if it was her task. 

And he saw and he took the broom away from her hands and they cleaned the room with the broom. 

And he was loving and kind and I stood there as I watched and my resilience when soft.

This is a room is still filled with shit.

And like it feels like it was the cause of unfortunate events why us three had to meet. 

He was the one who made the room shit. 

All I could say was, "fuck that's lit"

She is as lost as I am in the room,

She don't know what the fuck to do with the broom. 

We are stuck here in this room, and the doors aren't open anymore.

Wonder

Some days you still make me wonder and ponder,

And like for a brief and unexpected moment,

I catch myself daydreaming and my dark heart seems to grow fonder,

As I stroke your head as you lay down beside me on the bed, 

You make me want to catch this simple moment and make it frozen.

And let myself feel, forever chosen.

The sea was blue

The sea was blue

Because the sky was too.

A peculiar blue, both the two.

The waves and it's froth an icy white 

The clouds and their shapes and shadows

But only the waves and their foam crash against the glimmering sands,

While the white clouds soared above the endless sky. 

I was blue.

Because he was blue too.

A peculiar blue, us two.

I wavered and smashed myself against cliffs 

He moved forward and his clouds became grey. 

He stormed, flashes of lightning and rolls of thunder, pelted me, the sea, with water. 

He is now grey and I am grey too.

A murky grey, us two

Try

There's a beauty in the way we try. 

Try to impress and try to depress aimlessly, fruitlessly. 

We all seem to need it, to prove something, anything to ourselves and to others what we think we need to say or do. 

Based on what we believe and on what we don't, we strive, and bound ahead to try to try. 

12:05 am

I don't wanna die knowing that I can't tell my family something so simple but I feel like I can't and that bothers me. I never changed or wanted this, I've simply just realized and was. 

Loved

I loved.

I loved him and he loved me,

He was so patient and so solid,

It made the distance seem virtual,

As virtual as the messages and photos we shared,

Tangible and not at the same time.

I was loved.

By another, and he loved me so,

For my surface beauty and inner charm,

He would tell me and kiss me and flatter,

But I only loved his words and that didn't matter,

It was not healthy nor fair of a game to play.

They loved me.

And I loved some of them back.

Be it their charm or their wit,

Or for their speech and their confidence.

It doesn't matter anymore, 

They have all left and I am all alone.