Self-reflection.

"If you ever meet me on the streets someday, and you introduce me to your 'partner', of the same sex, I cannot be sure what I would do, I cannot promise you what I will not do. Remember your values." said my retiring Geography teacher, to the whole class, mind you.

It started off with a probably obscure and 'unique' question on weather or not homosexuals would effect the birth rate of a country. She often rants and goes of track. Conservative, christian lady, never married, model citizen. 

All eyes were burning my back, I physically felt itchy. In my peripheral vision I saw, gazes of sympathy, looks of confusion, and shy, smug grins. Friends shot air hearts towards me, below the tables, Amanda looked on consoling, as a friend is expected too, like a contract signed, its in the terms of a friendship. It always bother me, how things are never a given, never a because so, nothing has a specific result unless it is maths, or "values". You can only be either or, but never both. I wasn't even in a state of shock, I was just numb. It would have been very stupid of me to not have foresight. I knew. But I never prepare. The air of the well-conditioned classroom felt heavier, thicker, as if the air itself had gotten exponentially denser.  

It bothers me, because what I think, my values are shaken. What I believe in is now challenged. And reflectively, I look at the way organised religion, also feels the same way, how their values, mostly formed out of genuine intentions are shaken and challenged in the same way. It was never my intention to make people feel differently about my agenda, but I think again, and I have done what many Christians have done and "preached" about equality. I realised that I am no different from them.  What I thought made sense what I believed in, my values, I have tried to convince to others. 

I now realise that values are not what is important. The important thing is to accept that people will never agree and never understand, because that is what makes us individuals. All I have to do is accept "values" I do not hold and not allow them to be barriers in forming genuine relationships, because our values are ours, individual, and singular. There will never one moment whereby everybody will think the same and feel the same about anything and that is fine. The world would be a hella boring.

I will hold onto my values, you hold on to yours, but it doesn't mean we have to hate each other, and oppress and discriminate. Love each other, and love your values. 

Love,

Ez